Some people say that your idea in life is stupid. Some people say,"hey go for it." Some people just say this or that or whatever. My idea is that I want to make myself happy, and to do so, I kind of have to move. What I mean by that, is that I cannot stay here anymore. I have this huge goal, but some people in my life are trying to build a wall that won't let me go anywhere. What do you want to do with your life? Do you want to move? You want to stay? To be honest, I love this area, I do, but it's just getting old to me. I need a new life. New as in, new setting, new community, new people, new everything. Wouldn't that be cool? A lot of people can stay in the same city and have a new life but I couldn't do that. My whole brain has to be refreshed.
Another thing, is that I'm without one thing. I'm without one person. No one really gets it. I know myself way better than anyone else does. I know what I want and I know what I need. I don't have love. Not a lot of people do, but for me, it's something I need. It's like a drug. I will go crazy without it. Sometimes I may go out of control. Want to know something that sucks? That drug is two states away in California. Some people think I'm retarded for going down there, but you know what? I need that drug in order to keep myself happy. It's that happy drug. No one gets it. I'm not happy,it takes a lot for me to be happy. I can be happy about certain things. I'm happy that I'm in school and working, I'm happy that my gas tank is full. But all those things are different. I don't have my boy with me. And it's sad. I just wish people really understood how I felt. But then again, no one knows myself as well as I do, and no one will really understand exactly what I want and need.
Also, there is nothing like the feeling of being used, disrespected, and lied to. That is the worst feeling ever. Of course, I had to be the one to have all those things lined up. One friendship destroyed can also destroy other friendships. Remember that. It's a sucky feeling. One has to go through this at least once in their life. But it's a tad F-ed up. Not many people do understand. They think they do, but they really don't. Oh well. What is my point of even being here? I have stopped caring. Completely. Sitting here, twirling my car keys, I want to go somewhere, but I only have a quarter tank of gas. I know where I want to go, but I can't right now. Cali. I wish. A quarter tank of gas will not get me there.
